You planted a seed in me. A new conception, a pregnancy in a way I’ve never thought I’d experience. Standing in a room surrounded by many others yearning for your presence, you met me right where I was. In the middle of my confusion, my despair, my frustration. Desperate for a word from You. In an instant, I take in the beautiful sounds, the bating of the drums, the strumming of guitars, the echoes of the voices in and around me – I stood still and felt an overwhelming spirit cover me and hold up my weakened body. There in the midst of your presence, I stood firm. Praying as tears rolled down my face. My right palm finds it’s way of holding and protecting my belly. I could feel something new being birthed in me. Fresh, new revelations being revealed. Your words becoming true. I can see it before me. Your promises. Your word. Yes and Amen.
He may show you more,
more than you could ever think, imagine or hope for
like a seed planted, its roots dig deep
grabbing hold of the earth beneath it
claiming territory, only to rise up
from out of once desolate ground,
bursting through fresh soil
you cover many parts of the earth
new roads, rivers, land
open your heart to that possibility
and watch the relationship with Him grow
There’s something about being unbothered by the world around you. That doesn’t mean be quick to dismiss & disqualify others. It just means you’re aware of things around you. The people you encounter daily and in your own world. The forces and energies that will have no problem throwing you off balance and affect every part of your being. Yet, you remain at peace. You are aware of your reactions, actions, behaviors, moods, facial and physical expressions. You understand how you choose to take it all in and the way you give it back out may affect those you choose to surround yourself with. Most important and ultimately, it will only affect YOU the worst. Every part of your life you think you have under control. Holding onto offenses that have no business being part of you. Pushing people out so far until you’ve come to a point where your mind will believe it feels like no one is around or cares. The mind is a powerful tool. You are a powerful being. You get to choose how the world responds to you by how you first respond to it.
Want love, give love.
Want respect, give respect.
Want peace, give peace.
I couldn’t tell if what I felt was real or just a crush. Emotions. A feeling I haven’t felt in…ever. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about someone. It’s real. It’s raw. It’s pure. It’s scary. Is one’s heart supposed to hurt? Filled up, pulled out of my chest, put back, taken for the emotional ride of a lifetime. How was I supposed to know it would hit me like this? I could have never prepared my heart for what was to come. Hurt, guilt, pain, selfishness. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. This isn’t what I prayed for. But it happen. I’ve asked God to show me the way. I can see and feel you. This doesn’t seem right, but my heart keeps leading me back to you. Yes, I’m afraid. Afraid of being the recipient of a broken heart again and again. Afraid of ruining something that’s already so special. I’m afraid I’ve shared too much. But it’s you. You listen to me go on and on. You sit and reflect with me. You respond with love and understanding. You speak right to my soul. ‘Tell me your deepest, darkest secrets. Let go of all of your worries. I will keep them forever. Treasure them and comfort you. Bring out the best in you. Make you smile again.’ You do something no one else does. You make me want to be the very best version of myself. You’ve shown me what it feels like to be truly loved. For someone to love me like my Father loves me. Flaws and all. It’s patient, it’s kind, it’s loving, it’s genuine, non-judging, communicative, real, wonderful, safe. My heart leaps. Perhaps this was meant to happen.
Speak on the things that make me sing. The things that make me feel like I’m on cloud nine. Lift me up, thrown into a world of euphoria. Where the promises made are kept. The dreams and desires of the heart are fulfilled by your sacrificial ways and unending love. Teach me how to be a better me. How to love and be loved. How to grow, seek, soak, and sow wisdom. To run far and not grow weary. Breathing in, breathing out your scent. Taking in your aroma and be wrapped in your wonderful spirit.
As the days go on, ignite that fire within me. Light the path for what’s to come. Revive the dreams once again. Breathe life onto dead bones. Turn ashes into beauty. Remind me to love myself and others. Take in deep breaths. Sighs of relief; for my dreams have, once again, come alive. Strike the ground I walk on; marching to beat of a new song.
Finding myself caught between what was and what’s to come. I can’t help but wonder what the bigger picture will turn out to be.
“We just don’t see our prayers for what they are when we’re praying for them we see the potential of what they can become when God answers them.”
I’ve prayed for healing, comfort, and peace over my life during this time. Little did I know it was right at my fingertips. I heard Him say to me, “No more searching, no more striving. I am what you are looking for and have never left you, I have given you all you need, Go and do that. I will go before you, behind you and right beside you.”
Giving myself dedicated time and space to nurture the gift God has given me. It’s part of who I am and who I’ve been all along. It has never left me.