“We don’t always get what we want, but we always get what we need. Our job is to learn to trust and be ready and open to receive.” – Dai
This teaches me to let go of something that may hold me back and instead be accepting of new ideas, opportunities, environments and to take chances. Personal life and job industries are always changing. Even if I must learn to adjust at first, there is always something positive I can take from this changing experience or give back to and I can always use that something to be an advocate. Everything else may change around me and I may not be able to control it, but the ability to use my voice does not.
I told myself that I’d be okay, that I was okay. I was convincing everyone including myself. The denial became too great – I believed that God would pull me out of this ditch. Reveal His glory to me. I believed that He would show up in miraculous ways. Put a stop to the vicious cycle that became my life. Words and thoughts said otherwise. Threw my confidence and trust across the room. Hit the mirror and shattered me to pieces. With nothing left in the moment. Eyes depleted and dehydrated. My mind and fingers became a slave to the letters before me. Forming words they only knew how. Expose the lie I’d convinced myself of. Repeat the words on my lips. Studying a Foreign language. Unfamiliar, hard to grasp. I believed that God would pull me out of this ditch. Reveal His glory to me. Make me new, make me whole. Words and thoughts said so. My confidence staring right back at me. Words glaring. Telling me that I’d be okay, that I am okay.
What a trying time for me. The Universe flipped me on my head and said, “it’s sink or swim now. Don’t f*** it up!”. I must be doing something wrong. It’s living in Murphy’s Law over and over again. Some days are good. I wake up, read a word, say a prayer and feel encouraged. Ready to conquer and work. Other days, I feel like I’ve been beaten up in my sleep. I wake up physically and emotionally drained and defeated. Ready to stay in bed, scream and cry all day. I needed a change. I needed an out. An S.O.S. So I broke free and it let me go. Gave me freedom. Now somewhat limbo, but it’s freedom.
I was taken out of something so familiar and put into new territory that ate me alive. I was chewed up and spit back out into the unapologetic world that I thought I’d once mastered. It was a rude awakening, but nonetheless a much-needed wake-up call. As sat there in front of my computer, feeling that warm, salty liquid trail down to my lips once again – “What was happening?” I thought I had figured it all out. It was gut-wrenching and tormenting me in so many ways. Never have I felt so stuck between a rock and hard place. I wanted to give up so much at that point. How could this be happening to me again? Time and time again – it seemed to never end. What a vicious cycle. I was living in Murphy’s Law. Every little inch forward seemed to have propelled me fifty steps back. The feeling was unbearable, but something happened. A little voice inside told me, “go ahead, have your cry. You were made and are destined for greatness though, so when you’re done, I’ll be on the other side ready to strike the ground and conquer.” Whoa, what a revelation. I was done, tired of the tears and fearing the unknown. I wanted what was out there for me, even if that meant being thrown into unfamiliar territory. At least it was something new.
I realized that I was never going to be fully happy until I could learn how to grieve, how to fail, how to grow, and how to succeed — all on my own.
via I’ve Been Single For Over Three Years, And This Is What I’ve Learned — Thought Catalog
The best thing happened to me today. I found one of my favorite, life-changing books of all time, The Alchemist. For years, I thought I’d lost that book forever and for some unknown reason I refused to buy new copy…okay maybe my stubbornness may have been a factor; however, that’s beside the point. I learned something very valuable to who I am as a person — almost profound maybe. The book talks about one boys’ journey in finding his calling, the path that he is meant to follow and fulfill. There’s setbacks, accomplishments, lessons, new characters, a test of his faith, you name it. He pushed through and overcame; and while I feel it’s important for anyone to be as resilient as he was, there’s a greater, much deeper connection this story holds for me. When I read it, I was on the verge of making the scariest decision of my life. I was moving 3,000 miles away from home, on my own, not a clue how things would end up. However, I did it. My calling, my destiny was somewhere ahead. I didn’t know where, but I knew where I had to go to find it. It’s years later, I’ve moved back home and I’m still searching for that calling. To be quite honest, I feel as though I have accomplished nothing and that’s okay. The ups and downs were like nothing I could ever imagine and I’ve wanted to give up for quite some time, but little did I know that that was the best part. There’s something about knowing where you currently are may not be where you’re meant to be. Much like in the story, there’s moral, a lesson to be learned — I have yet to learn mine and that too is okay.