What a trying time for me. The Universe flipped me on my head and said, “it’s sink or swim now. Don’t f*** it up!”. I must be doing something wrong. It’s living in Murphy’s Law over and over again. Some days are good. I wake up, read a word, say a prayer and feel encouraged. Ready to conquer and work. Other days, I feel like I’ve been beaten up in my sleep. I wake up physically and emotionally drained and defeated. Ready to stay in bed, scream and cry all day. I needed a change. I needed an out. An S.O.S. So I broke free and it let me go. Gave me freedom. Now somewhat limbo, but it’s freedom.
I was taken out of something so familiar and put into new territory that ate me alive. I was chewed up and spit back out into the unapologetic world that I thought I’d once mastered. It was a rude awakening, but nonetheless a much-needed wake-up call. As sat there in front of my computer, feeling that warm, salty liquid trail down to my lips once again – “What was happening?” I thought I had figured it all out. It was gut-wrenching and tormenting me in so many ways. Never have I felt so stuck between a rock and hard place. I wanted to give up so much at that point. How could this be happening to me again? Time and time again – it seemed to never end. What a vicious cycle. I was living in Murphy’s Law. Every little inch forward seemed to have propelled me fifty steps back. The feeling was unbearable, but something happened. A little voice inside told me, “go ahead, have your cry. You were made and are destined for greatness though, so when you’re done, I’ll be on the other side ready to strike the ground and conquer.” Whoa, what a revelation. I was done, tired of the tears and fearing the unknown. I wanted what was out there for me, even if that meant being thrown into unfamiliar territory. At least it was something new.
I realized that I was never going to be fully happy until I could learn how to grieve, how to fail, how to grow, and how to succeed — all on my own.
via I’ve Been Single For Over Three Years, And This Is What I’ve Learned — Thought Catalog
The best thing happened to me today. I found one of my favorite, life-changing books of all time, The Alchemist. For years, I thought I’d lost that book forever and for some unknown reason I refused to buy new copy…okay maybe my stubbornness may have been a factor; however, that’s beside the point. I learned something very valuable to who I am as a person — almost profound maybe. The book talks about one boys’ journey in finding his calling, the path that he is meant to follow and fulfill. There’s setbacks, accomplishments, lessons, new characters, a test of his faith, you name it. He pushed through and overcame; and while I feel it’s important for anyone to be as resilient as he was, there’s a greater, much deeper connection this story holds for me. When I read it, I was on the verge of making the scariest decision of my life. I was moving 3,000 miles away from home, on my own, not a clue how things would end up. However, I did it. My calling, my destiny was somewhere ahead. I didn’t know where, but I knew where I had to go to find it. It’s years later, I’ve moved back home and I’m still searching for that calling. To be quite honest, I feel as though I have accomplished nothing and that’s okay. The ups and downs were like nothing I could ever imagine and I’ve wanted to give up for quite some time, but little did I know that that was the best part. There’s something about knowing where you currently are may not be where you’re meant to be. Much like in the story, there’s moral, a lesson to be learned — I have yet to learn mine and that too is okay.
How great is it to motivate one another and share our journeys – good and bad. Marvel in the victories and teach others how to get there. On instinct, we tend to relate more to those who are experiencing similar journeys, which help alleviate the insane feeling of being all alone. If you, for once, get yourself out of that state of mind and begin to understand that what pushes us out of comfort zone and into our victories and successes is surrounding yourself with not only those who have “been there, done that”, but the ones who have survived; the ones who have come out much stronger and confident, successful and fruitful in life – and I’m not just talking about possessions – they’re happier after all.
I’ve learning to be very much less judgemental of those I may call lucky or fortunate. Life seems to be perfectly orchestrated for us to be so focused on nothing but success without realizing the journey it takes to get there. I’m learning to listen before I can even formulate an opinion in my brain. I’m learning from those who I’ve chosen to surround myself with. They become, not only my mentor, but my friend – and how great is it to have a friend to share your journey with.
I thought I’ve had some big revelations in my life so far. However, nothing could have ever prepared me for what I was about to come face to face with on my twenty-fifth birthday. They say, “quarter-life crisis” exists – this was far past that, as it felt. I hit rock bottom hard. So deep, it took a round of girls and a few guys to literally pull me out of my hole. What was I thinking? My life was a mess. I was so deep into my problems while carrying everyone else’s, there was nothing left to do, nowhere left to turn but fall to ground, sink my head into a toilet and let it all out. My anger and upset, tears and pain, confusion, emotional and literal fatigue came rushing out from the place where I needed only oxygen at the moment. The place that’s supposed to give me relief when I feel suffocated. There was nothing left to do, but fight with it. So I did. It struggled to stay deep within me, but I fought and I let the demons that were holding me back come out. I fought until I could no longer hear or see. I opened my eyes – it was morning. What I thought would be all over, it was just the beginning and I was ready to face it head on.